I’m praying to God that he will. 

Anonymous asked: if you don't mind me asking what did you do to your ex boyfriend that made him leave you?

Okay, I’m only going to tell the story once. Because I hate repeating it. It makes me upset and I start to cry every time I talk about it. 

Rushawn asked me to be his girlfriend on March 16th, 2011. I have never had a Jamaican boyfriend before, so I felt kind of weird about it. On April 5th, 2011, I chose to be unfaithful. I made out with one of his best friends. After that, we broke up for a bit. Then we officially got back together on October 17th, 2011. I remember exactly how he did it to. I knew something was coming up. I went to this park on my street with one of my friends, Asha, and I was talking to her about my relationship. I remember exactly what I said, “Oh my gosh Asha, what if he walks around the corner with a rose and asks me to be his girlfriend?!” About 15 minutes later, I don’t think I have ever had a more happier moment in my life. There he was. He was wearing a red fitted, and a leather jacket, a red shirt, black jeans, and red&black shoes. In his hands, he was holding one red rose, wrapped in green wrapping paper finished off with green and purple ribbon. 

“Rushawn? What’s this?!”

”..Will you be my girlfriend Chad?”

Obviously I said yes. I said yes in a heart beat. I knew that I was truly in love with him then and there. As our relationship went on, I thought nothing could go wrong. I love him, and he loves me. I thought wrong. December 3rd, 2011, I found out that the person who I’m in love with cheated on me. He had a whole other secret relationship with another girl. He kissed her, he had sex with her, and everything else. I almost committed suicide that night, I’m going to be honest with you. But after that night, and a couple of more endless nights, I took him back. I took him back after everything he did to me. To some people, yeah sure, I’m a crazy lunatic. To me, I thought it was love. I thought it meant that I was willing to fight for someone that meant the world to me. I thought I was being courageous. 5 months went by. April 11, 2012 was the day that I lost my best friend and my boyfriend. It was lunch time, and I was having the shittiest week ever. Nothing was going right. And on top of that, I started having feelings that Rushawn was cheating on me again. I don’t know why, I just had a feeling. Last period, photography class, I was crying my eyes out. I was talking to my friends, Angela, and Jasmine. I was saying things like “I can’t take it any more” and “How can a person say they love you and then lie and cheat on you”. Want to know the part that ties this all together? Rushawn was sitting right beside me while I was saying all of this. While I was saying all of these things, I was building up all this anger, and I started to think about all the negative things about the relationship we shared. As I was saying all of these things my voice started to get louder and louder. Then, I felt a little tap on my left shoulder. 

“So what are you trying to say?”

“I’M TRYING TO SAY THAT I’M BREAKING UP WITH YOU RUSHAWN!!!”

I’m pretty sure the whole class heard me by then. And I’m pretty sure that they were all listening to me yell at him and expose everything that he’s done to me. The last thing he said to me that day was 

“What am I supposed to say, huh? This is the day that my dad passed away and now I just lost my girlfriend”

My heart sank. I completely forgot that April 11th was the day Rushawns father passed away. There were 10 minutes left of class. My friend looked at me and she said “Oh my god Chad, he’s laughing..” And this is the part that just had to top everything all off.

“Yeah eh? He thinks this is funny? Let’s see if this is funny”

I walked over to him and took off the sterling silver bracelet that I got him for our one year, I took it off and said “Waste of my fucking one year” And as I said that, I threw the bracelet onto the floor. After that, I took all of my things and left before the bell had even gone. I had an asthma attack that day. And as you can probably already assume, everything since then has been down hill. And that is the reason why my best friend, the boy who I’m in love with, the boy who taught me to just live, won’t give me one last chance. 

*If you’re actually reading this, I understand if you hate me or think I’m a heart bitch for what I’ve done. Don’t sweat it, I hate myself too. 

before changing it to single. 

My heart hurts, my head is pounding, I feel nauseous and cranky. 

I need a glass of Crown Royal and a cigarette. 

right fucking now. 

“I just want you to be happy.”